(This is a guest post that was originally published on AjaMonae.com)
As the clock struck midnight on my birthday back in January, I had an inkling that something would be entirely different about this new year of life. I knew that it would come with a new set of responsibilities, a new fervor for life and a TON of changes. And while change can be quite scary, it is absolutely necessary in order to become the people that we are destined to be.
About a week ago, one of my friends put on Instagram one of my new favorite bible verses that goes something like this:
“No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening — it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right liveing for those who are trained in this way.” — Hebrews 12:11
It came with reading that verse that I finally understood why we experience certain bouts of struggle in our lives. Some of those ‘teachable moments’ may be as short as a day or a week, and others may last for months and maybe even years. But once we make that conscious decision to pursue the things that we know are best for us, we will begin to experience a peace, tranquility and hyper-focus that is simply in describable. Let me take it back a little bit to provide a little context, and that last sentence will make a LOT more sense. 😉
Contrary to popular belief, turning 25 for me was far from a “quarter-life crisis” — but more of a “quarter-life awakening.” Over the last ten months, I’ve taken many risks, faced a number of my fears and ran toward change rather than hid from it. But with my desire to embrace change came a number of instances where I felt like I needed to double-check myself, or really evaluate those that were around me.
Specifically in the month of October, I had a make a number of big decisions (both professionally and personally) that required me to rearrange my focus, and take a step back from things that I was used to doing that weren’t necessarily aligned with my end goal. I’m not sure if Mercury’s retrograde had anything to do with it (hey, it probably did), but it was probably THE toughest month of this year for me mentally, physically and emotionally. And it is in those moments I realized who and what I needed to be in my life moving forward.
Whenever you take a move forward in your life (i.e., getting a new job, moving into your own place, starting your own business), it is a well known fact that you will not be able to bring everything you have at the present location with you to the new location. And these aren’t always physical things — they can be mindsets, friendships, or habits that just might be able to gel with the newness in which you’re about to walk into.
*Note: Not everyone will understand why you’ve made certain choices for your life. And to be frank, it really isn’t much of their business. People will always have their opinions of you, but until those opinions can contribute to the repayment of your student loans, then you have all the right to move forward and do what you do.
In my personal experience last month, I had to re-evaluate a number of things (and people) that I was currently “carrying”, and make the choice to leave them behind as I transitioned into my own change. And let me tell you, it was the most painful yet humbling experience. Particularly as it relates to relationships, you have to be bold enough to say, “Enough is enough – this friendship/relationship isn’t healthy for me” and move on. And while we want everyone that comes into our lives to stay, everyone is not meant to journey with us forever. You can’t fix anyone that doesn’t want to fix themselves, nor can you make them see what you see if they don’t want to do that either — so you wish them well and continue to press forward.
I’m a firm believer in the fact that God never gives us more than we can bear, and He tends to take us through situations in order to test our trust and faith in Him. I may have lost a few things in my journey to a better me, but I know that there will be so much more to gain moving forward.
As I look forward to #CeeDay26, I’m even more excited for the changes that life will bring my way, and to continue to journey into the woman that I am destined to be.