“Sometimes, you need a release.” As you can tell by now, writing is therapy for me. I do my best to remain as objective as possible, but if you know me personally, you may have an inkling and be able to decipher what it is I’m writing about (you go Glen Coco.) These last few weeks have been quite interesting for me to say the least, but because I feel the best way to learn from your mistakes is to make them clear and plain, and I have no problem with sharing this teachable moment with you all. On this Wisdom Wednesday, I want to shed light on something that is sometimes hard for we as humans to do: let go.
It’s easier said than done, right? Now, this isn’t the first time that I’ve addressed letting go, but because life is a journey and not a destination, sometimes certain lessons are revisited. So. Someone does you wrong (or maybe you’re the one that has inflicted the hurt or harm upon another individual) you feel some sort of way, and you spend time trying to sort out your emotions. In addition to retaliation, we as humans have the tendency to drag out our disappointment, with the hope to figure out what exactly it was that caused the point of deception. And I’ll be honest. I have been in that position once before, but there comes a time when you have to stop wracking your brain and let it be.
“But Chas! So-and-so hurt my feelings and I need to figure why!” Trust me– I hear you loud and clear friend. In life though, there are some things that just aren’t meant to be figured out. Our actions will always speak louder than our words, and in some instances, we really aren’t thinking of the future implications of our present actions. If that indeed were true, we probably wouldn’t have done them in the first place. The point is, you have to understand that 1.) everything happens for a reason, and 2.) you can’t dwell on the past. And while that doesn’t give you the right to treat anyone in any old way, it does mean that you can’t regret what you know you really wanted at the time.
While I can’t give you the perfect solution in what to do, (because we all cope with things differently) I can offer suggestions on how to let go:
1. Forgive Yourself. This can be the most difficult, because depending on the situation you will spend a lot of time blaming yourself. But first things first: admit you were wrong, apologize to the parties involved, pray about it and leave it there. You can’t change the past, so what is done is done. And no matter how many times you may say you’re sorry, it is ultimately up to the other person (or people) involved to make it up in their minds to forgive you. That make take days, weeks, months or even years, but you can’t stand around and wait for them to make up their mind. Oh, but this person deleted you from Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, huh? So the hell what. Life is far to short and precious to waste time waiting around for someone to make up their mind about you. If they are meant to be in your life, you will know — if not, you wish them well and keep it moving.
2. Forgive The Other(s). If you find yourself on the side of the fence where you’re the “victim”, this part is critical in your progress. What we sometimes neglect to remember is that this person may or may not even know that they hurt us to begin with — so we can’t harbor negative energy toward them. If you feel inclined to do so, contact this person and let them know how you feel. There’s nothing more freeing that communicating your thoughts, so take the risk. The worse thing the “accused” can do is ignore your tactful and mature attempt to make amends. Once both claims are stated and emotions are laid on the table, this could potentially be the opportunity to move toward rebuilding the relationship.
3. Move Forward. This is the time you take to work on becoming a better you. Day after day, you use this teachable moment to change your thoughts and actions because as the saying goes: when you know better, you do better. One thing that I’ve learned is whatever the situation may be, it too shall pass, so you can’t dwell on it. Now, I’m not saying disregard your feelings entirely– absolutely not. Take time to figure out how you feel but don’t stay there. We all fall short and make mistakes– none of us are perfect! Our struggles usually yield the most wonderful of outcomes, so trust them and have faith that you’ll always pull through.
I absolutely love my 20’s because they are giving me the chance to really accept myself (flaws and all) and make changes accordingly. There’s always room for growth and improvement, but I am making sure that I’m doing it for me and me only. Furthermore, I’ve never been this honest with myself in my life — and it has taught me so much and brought me peace. Regardless of the situation, I’m always doing my best to see the good in it. And while we may not currently understand the outcome of our actions, we must trust that it will make sense in due time.