It all started with ‘Hey’.
The one word that (for most) can open up the flood gates of communication with the one person you’re convinced that you’ve gotten over.
As a practicing PR professional, I’m all about transparency and keeping it 100%. You may recall in a former post of mine about letting go, and I indeed was well on my way to moving forward and growing from the past situation.
But that three-letter word attached to a familiar number just had to come tumbling across my cell phone screen, and needless to say, I semi-relapsed.
Let me explain before you go and jump at me saying that I’m choking on my own words.
In my mind, I thought that I was doing well: I had changed my way of thinking, kept conversation (if any) light and friendly and fully acknowledged any old “warm and fuzzy” feelings I had fabricated in this here pretty head of mine.
So where did I slip up? When I started giving this individual the time of day again.
Allowing them to invade my thinking space. Bringing them up in order to contribute to conversation. Oh, and my favorite: knowing (technologically) exactly what their next move was going to be, but STILL falling for the bait.
Now granted, I’m not a woman scorned if that’s what you’re thinking — I’m just a person that tends to care for some people who walk in my life seasonally that in the end, really didn’t deserve additional time once the season had changed. But this is obviously yet another lesson learned: no matter how much you THINK you may care for a person, unless their actions show that they feel the same way, you are walking a lonely road there my friend.
So today, as I was walking downtown DC with my friend T, I had simply made the observation that when I had causally said hello to a certain individual via Facebook chat, I didn’t get an immediate response.
No worries (I’m thinking), but T thought otherwise…
“I’m gonna be honest with you,” she said. “If he didn’t hit you back, he’s not thinking of you the way you’re thinking of him.”
This could in fact be true, but was there harm in just being nice and saying hi?
“I’m gonna be honest with you again,” she said. “If he didn’t hit you back, he’s obviously talking to other girls.”
Obviously, we’re in two different places and I could careless — you do you, and I’m gonna do me.
“I’m going to be honest with you one more time,” she said. “If he didn’t hit you back, he’s obviously not interested in you anymore.
And boom goes the dynamite.
In my world, the number three is one of completion and it just seemed too perfect that she came back to back with those truthful statements. Those last few words for some reason, stung the most and sent me on this verbal rant that wasn’t to attack her, but to simply just to get some frustration off my chest.
No one likes getting the run around, and I frankly have become exhausted trying to figure this person out.
After I had completed my rather public rant, she explained that she blatantly told me like it was is because she herself had been in a similar position and didn’t want to see me try to find happiness is a hopeless place, literally. She admired that I carried myself differently than most and I deserved much better than what I was trying to search for.
And that’s real.
Truth be told, I had gotten a little complacent in a matter of two weeks. I thought I had mastered a complete balance act on a fence I had been straddling since the end of January when in fact, I was just waiting around to see what could potentially happen next–you know, to see if things would go back to the way they used to be.
Life is all about learning from your mistakes and whether it be once, twice, maybe three times, you eventually learn your lesson.
And I have, thank goodness.
So as I sign off of this particular topic of discussion for good, there is no room for ‘thank yous’, ‘see you next lifetimes’ or even pearls of wisdom to share.
I’m just moving on, once and for all.